decay

i went for a walk. an excursion for nourishment. then. unexpectedly, i saw him. right there. he looked right past me, through me. nothing. no "hi". no wave. no nothing. like a deer stuck in the dazed state induced by an oncoming 10 tonne truck, i panicked. turned to my right. drew money at the atm. heart pounding, then forcing myself to calm the hell down. when i turned again, he had disappeared.

he hadnt recognised me.

that also figures.

<all the leaves are brown and the sky is grey>

and so, i keep dreaming. i dream of a day when i will no longer be by myself. i dream of a day when life truly will be a unlimited joy, abundant bliss. and in this catatonic state i will stay, never to shake the shackles of self-hatred.

<when all of your wishes are granted - many of your dreams will be destroyed>

*retch*