hoPes and dreAms are moRTal enemieS
i am tormented.
actively i detest this tragic existence. my recurring theme. all the could-have-beens assault my wasted mind. they rot inside me. tyrannical in their approach. beating me senseless. daily.
what could have been:
dear me
am i a writer? could i have been? does the eloquence flow from my fingertips with fickle, yet furtive abandon? was there a future there for me? a career? reporting on the wasteful repeated futility of the exciting lives of others? writing of another drowning, another murder, more large-scale madness? would i have been happy?
am i a painter? would i have excelled at drawing? have my passions been misspent? were there opportunities for me? in animation? in cartooning? do i have good ideas? are my talents trampled in my myopic state? blind to the endless possibilities? would it have fulfilled me?
am i a care giver? was medicine the way to go? would i have relished in walking the corridors of healthcare, dark yet rewarding? would i have come home with a feeling of serene accomplishment? would the crisp white coat have covered my insecurities half as well as i would have needed it to? would i have been complete?
i chose my current path. and,with tortured tenacity, in that decision, i can blame or praise only myself. i cannot know how different my life, for the better or worse, would have been, had i chosen differently. dam elusive wisdom.
do not cry for me. for, i love you. more than you could know.
im just a sad song. disregard me when the melody fades and the last note dies away.
Labels: morbidity
posted by AristoNeeks | 4:40 pm
Writing is the expression of thought, released through action and felt by repercussion of consequence. Your thoughts dwell on things that are possibilities. Possibilities are infinite. What matters is whether or not they were actually possible. And we both know that they were and are.
You make a good point catz ... slightly trite but true :D still, i dont think one should lament all possibilities past but rather concentrate on those that are approaching, no?
DAMN WOMAN!!! YOU SHO NO HOW2 WRITE SOME DEPRESING STUF!!
Wow. Your writing is A LOT better than mine, babe!!! HOT! HOT! HOT!
"My love is like an open wound, gushing the sweet red love of liquid warmth, pooling around the flesh of a being unwanted by all save one"
You know, I just got out of the hospital after being there for over two weeks; after what I put some of those nurses through, I can honestly say you're better off avoiding the healthcare industry.
you all feed my thoughts..
welcome back, morb.
*^_^*
depressing issues make for good writtings :-D
we can all make many lives of these so few years on earth. why not be what you are; and write; and paint; and care?
xx
pinks
i couldnt possibly agree more, honkeie.
rev, that's some good advice. i think you're onto something there.. writing and painting are my hobbies.. :D maybe i should try some community service..
you know, when im done studying..
*^_^*
I think you could have been a writer. But writing doesn't have to be a full time job - if it makes you happy, you should do that alongside your usual accountancy stuff.
Don't despair so much, Chei. There are plenty of great things in your life and you know it. :)
torMEnt Is something we all Share in. WastE not in the SELf reiFicatIonS Alone. ManY troubled ThougHts are signs of growth.
Thank you for sharing, Neka.
kathartically excellent.
It's good to see you back, Neko.
Some beautiful thoughts in this post. I love the last line. Strangely optimistic. Everything fades away...
i agree with mike, neko. almost no one in this country makes a living from writing anyway. start writing in your free time...always a good idea.