Living eulogy
I believe it was mr jim morrison who said it best: this is the end.
I find myself in familiar territory.
How can I love when I do not love myself? Who would love me, if I find myself repulsive?
What’s the point to it all in the end, if nothing I do is good enough, or of significance in any way?
What have I learned?
Happiness is measured by the number of friends you have, not money or prestige, or body shape, or any other material nonsense, despite what the ad companies tell you.
No matter how hard I try, the fact of the matter is, I will never be good enough. I do not have the talent. I lack the willpower. I am tired of trying to be what I’m not.
Turns out, living for others did not work out for me. Living by the choices of others has led me into a trap of humiliation and despair. Misery and angst.
To stand up for myself, for the first time, I will make a choice.
I choose death.
Time to trip the light fantastic. Time to plummet off the ole mortal coil. Time to take my mediocrity to another level.
Here’s to coming back as a playmate.
Thanks to all of those who read my thoughts and commented. Much appreciated. [that means you, morb]. And the rest of you, you’re too late, show’s over.
Do not weep for me, I have shed tears enough in my existence. But, Rejoice in my final act of taking possession of my life.
This is the end.
Labels: morbidity
posted by AristoNeeks | 8:09 am
This mortal coil may be a hassle, full of disappointments and irritants, but that's no reason to leave it so early. Someone once told me the way to deal with life was this: "Don't let the bastards get you down." Now, that person may have actually existed, or I was just drunk and imagined that's something Lemmy Kilmister would have said, but it makes sense. Even if that bastard is yourself sometimes.
And I have to thank you for your comment. How dare I leave a poem with a ridiculous question at the end. I got home and re-wrote it. Glad you commented and I hope you do so again, as I don't know anyone who can take Nietzche down the way you did. That's the kind of person I would like to have around, who knows how to think and question others who claim the same thing. Anyway, glad to meet you and thanks for the comment. I t helped out, believe it or not.
Slayer - Gemini
...
Facing reality
That life is unconditional
And death is only the beginning
...
aye, morb, you have a point there.
but, the bastards don't fight fair, do they.
eric313,
it is but a pleasure to read the work of a fellow wordsmith. i here to learn.. lead, and i will follow.
anon,
i wish you had a name, anon.
but, regardless, death my be a beginning... but the beginning of what?
scuze the typo's.
my vision is blurred.
tear-stained nights corrupt my days.
or, through error of causality, my days torment my tortured mind at night..
Thanks for the coming by, Neko. You do make me think, as always. I responded longer at my blog.
And I wish I was ten percent as fun and exciting as the crap that makes it into one of my poems. I'm a fiction writer, so much of my life is boring and depressing, so I hear ideas and run with them. I was almost dead from deprssion three months ago. I hadn't written in over a year. Everything had broken down until my former professor got a hold of me and let me write in any kind of poems I wanted to write and post them as responses on her blog, no matter what. So I did that for six weeks and the love of writing regrew, which is great, as I love little else. She helped me out--no, she saved me from myself, really, by reminding me of what I love. You know what it's like to feel that terrible, I don't want to go into details but you know exactly what I'm talking about. But that's the bright spot in my life, writing, and glad I am that it is so. It's what saved me, my teacher just turned my head back around. Be well, Neko. You have people around you that care, I can tell. Write well.
Sorry. Don't mean to be a sap, right? Just glad to have met people in the Union of SA. Now, its bed time. School in the morn. Thanks.
hey, eric313.
i know whatcha mean.
im the most boring person i know.
^_^
painting and writing keep me hanging onto this un-life, this mere existence.
i like your writing.
hardcore.
thought-inducing.
raw. ^_^ [as opposed to cooked, i spose]
o yeah, SA is a republic, innit.
not a union.
what a weird thing to say.
^_^
“One death is a tragedy, a million is a statistic, and a billion deaths is what I would call efficiency. Let's get some champagne!”
~ Josef Stalin on Death
Death is an anthropomorphic personification of the event of life discontinuance. Death is the shortened term for the fatal and very painful yet quick illness known as Chuck Norris disease. Death is also God's way of telling you "You're Fucked". Though you may not know it, death is the cure for life.
god is just a statistic..
Just thought I'd say hi. Thanks for the compliment about my writing, and I hope you post again soon, whenever you're ready, of course. And sorry about that night, as I was exhausted and the sarcasm slipped right over my head completely.
And I love writing raw, cooked words are for little children.
See you around, Neko.
^_^
Jeez! Did he say all that? Quite prolific wasn't he?