at the end of my rope, dangles
Volumous dark storm clouds obscure view and engulf the sky. Torrents of icy water plummet towards the earth. The world is wet and miserable. People and animals alike scurry from the incessant pelting, hiding.
The weather reflects my outlook, my emotion, the downpour of sorrow in my heart.
I was happy once, briefly.
My life, in 2 words, is both simple, yet complicated. I suppose it depends on my perception, like so many things in life.
It is simple, because there is a set path I must follow. Every tedious day ebbs and flows into the next. Nothing changes. Mind-numbing boredom repeats itself day in and out.
It is complicated, because I have inner turmoil, emotional instability and deeply rooted loneliness. Someone, find me a cure for the unhappiness through which I am suffering!
I conjure in my mind possible escape routes, plans, ideas, schemes. But, the more I scramble and the harder I run, the more I stay in the same place, digging deeper into this hole. This is frustration at it’s best.
On an even more personal note, I am still crying myself to sleep every night. I am weak. I am alone. Feelings of longing for what was and what could have been blur my reality. Where, in the past, I could tell myself everything will be alright, because at least SOMEONE loves me, that is no longer the case.
It may not be correct to validate one’s entire existence and all positive traits based on one person’s changing opinion. But, I did. And, I was betrayed. And, now I suffer for it.
No one loves me. No one thinks I’m cute anymore. No one thinks I’m pretty or silly, or … anything, anymore. I will stay where I am forever, doomed to fade and disappear into nothingness, untouched, obscure and ignored.
The sky is miserable with tears. So am I.
The weather reflects my outlook, my emotion, the downpour of sorrow in my heart.
I was happy once, briefly.
My life, in 2 words, is both simple, yet complicated. I suppose it depends on my perception, like so many things in life.
It is simple, because there is a set path I must follow. Every tedious day ebbs and flows into the next. Nothing changes. Mind-numbing boredom repeats itself day in and out.
It is complicated, because I have inner turmoil, emotional instability and deeply rooted loneliness. Someone, find me a cure for the unhappiness through which I am suffering!
I conjure in my mind possible escape routes, plans, ideas, schemes. But, the more I scramble and the harder I run, the more I stay in the same place, digging deeper into this hole. This is frustration at it’s best.
On an even more personal note, I am still crying myself to sleep every night. I am weak. I am alone. Feelings of longing for what was and what could have been blur my reality. Where, in the past, I could tell myself everything will be alright, because at least SOMEONE loves me, that is no longer the case.
It may not be correct to validate one’s entire existence and all positive traits based on one person’s changing opinion. But, I did. And, I was betrayed. And, now I suffer for it.
No one loves me. No one thinks I’m cute anymore. No one thinks I’m pretty or silly, or … anything, anymore. I will stay where I am forever, doomed to fade and disappear into nothingness, untouched, obscure and ignored.
The sky is miserable with tears. So am I.
posted by morbidneko | 10:39 am
Happy two week single-ness anniversary.
Pass me that knife, I want to carve release into my arm. Follow the flow of warmth from my body, as it has been ripped from my heart.
Seep out the pain, into the world, like vital life-blood from my bleeding broken skin..
Will I ever be sane again?
*Was I ever sane to begin with?*
Will I ever recover?
used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was used for sex i was.
WHO IS THIS GUY??
WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY???
who DOES THIS?? WHY???
i cant think what to think. i cant decide what to think. i cant make the pain stop. i cant i cant i cant.
who does this??
i thought it was real. i believed it was real.
it had to be real.
how will i ever recover, when there is only one person i wanna be with?
but that person doesnt want to have anything to do with me?
it's friendship or nothing he says.
i'm beautiful and he misses my conversation, he says.
but, he doesn't love me.
he feels nothing.
nothing.
what did i do to deserve this??
WHO, after 5 years of a relationship, says "sex doesnt mean love"?????
WHO???
good God, i dont deserve this.
:'(
happy holloween, american peoples..
I wish I could be with you - then we can cry over the sorry state of our lonely lives together. Misery loves company, you know. Try to find this song by Depeche Mode: it's called Damaged People and quite appropriate it is, too. Happy songs sound so insincere at the moment...
DAMAGED PEOPLE
We're damaged people
Drawn together
By subtleties that we are not aware of
Disturbed souls
Playing out forever
These games that we once thought we would be scared of
When you're in my arms
The world makes sense
There is no pretence
And you're crying
When you're by my side
There is no defence
I forget to sense I'm dying
We're damaged people
Praying for something
That doesn't come from somewhere deep inside us
Depraved souls
Trusting in the one thing
The one thing that this life has not denied us
When I feel the warmth of your very soul
I forget I'm cold
And crying
When your lips touch mine
And I lose control
I forget I'm old
And dying
*hugs*
You are not to blame. You don't deserve this. Nobody does.
thank you, eoh.
i am damaged.
damaged times 5.
all thru my life i have been rejected, ridiculed and ignored.
i am not the pretty one.
i am only me.
and i am never enough.
if only these *hugs* were more tangible.
and, *hugs* to you, sir.
i thank you for your words.
Neko, I wish I could have been a better friend to you. I'm sorry.
But stick around. We're here for you. I am a have not, as well. What I write I write from the memory of my love--not from the actuallity of it.
I don't want to miss you--I want to keep talking to you. But it is all your choice.
There's nothing I can do for you, though I wish I could. We'd probably be two happy have nots if I could ever meet you. But as you say, wants are not tangible. I wish they were. I have the same blacj thoughts as you, every single day. Today, yesterday, last week, last year.
You've been good for me. I was hoping to pull you through. Just carve nothing into your arm. Do nothing of the sort. Quit blooging, maybe. But wait and let love find you once more.
I think you're clever enough to get over this. Just turn that sadness into anger and hatred ... or fuel for creativity. Or combine the two and photoshop pictures of your ex so it looks like he's nailing farm animals and post them all over the internet. That's hilarious fun for everyone.