i used to be but i still am

A tale of unimaginable pomp and ridiculousness entices me.

The world is ending and i sing.

Another day, another dollhair. 

Hmm.

Today was a good day.

I miss my old friends. 

Let's toast to virus-free times, camaraderie, and bold white hot tenacity. 

Let the end-times roll. 

I seek not fortune, but peace.

Elusive elysium.

Escape from the cage

A couple days ago, the key to the cage was handed over, and today the doors are opened.

I finally got my articles signed off, and today is my last day in this office. Next week ushers in a new life, teeming with new experiences, new people, new beginnings.

I am married now. Im gonna be someone's mom by the end of this year. And, I don't really need to study anymore unless I REALLY want to. (Which remains to be seen).

The padded cage is no more.

With acceptance and love, comes happiness and motivation; Contentment.

Everything is going to be alright.

[p.s. i'm gonna keep blogging here --> my pregnancy blog ]

Infallibility vs Iniquity

read me here

my vision is distorted by my sleazy mind

skunk anansie - awesome band.

a pang of regret and heartbreak assaults me when i listen to songs with bitter-sweet memories attached to them. entwined, really. it's magical how music becomes a part of your past, and comes to represent a certain time, a certain hardship, or joy, or exultation. success, failure, bliss, heartache.

I suppose to some extent, the woulda/coulda/ shoulda's are idolised and deified in the mind. the bads are forgotten, and the goods are put on a pedestal, mourned, grieved for, deeply missed. and, regret sets in.

is this reasonable?

okay, so i'm not making a whole lot of sense.

i will heal. eventually.

Update

just so i'm clear:

i still hate my job.

i canit wait to be out of this miserable little town.

i can't wait to be done.

i've been done.

T minus 5 weeks to freedom.

For the latest news update...

see this site

justification for petrification

cold creeps into my body. winter appraoches. every day more brittle than the prior. every day, a longer struggle to rise from bed, more clothes to get on in the morning.

the rise in petrol price has eaten a gaping hole in my pocket where my wallet used to be. it takes more and more cash munny to fill up my tank.

oil is a finite resource. what happens when it runs out? we'll all be screwed, that's what. i've heard that with the oil that is left now, it won't run out in my lifetime. but, i don't see an end to the current trend of rising prices.

i can't afford this. who can?

Pristine blossoms of the over-mind

Never mind all of that.

Because I am that kind of person, I have a list to tell me what I need to do. next to each item on said list, is a due date/time. without my list, I am lost.

I am a chronic procrastinator. It’s what I do. see? I should be working right now, but I’m not. Instead, I sit here and just wish the time away. What of my work, you ask? Well, that is to be done hurriedly and slovenly when pressure ensues.

I am still burdened and saddened by thoughts of my ex. The break-up / The love/hate pseudo-friendship that existed for months afterward / The hurtful remarks / The getting to grips with the situation / The new girlfriend / Hearing of the new relationship that so instantly replaced 5 years / The dawning of realisation that that which was will not be again.

Sometimes it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that something you put all your energy into: love, time, money, effort, affection; was all for naught.

He isn’t that into me.

What a harsh reality.

They say things only bother you if you let them. And, only the hurt person can end the hurting cycle. I’m supposed to … just stop feeling hurt, or something. Forgive and forget. Make peace. Time numbs. [insert other over-done axiom of encouragement here]

How do you know when a relationship is well and truly over?

I suppose I have to compile another list.

Ways to get over heartbreak:

1. …

And therein lies the problem.

^_^

Happy birthday to me..

Quarter century today.

Don't know if I've learned much so far.

Does anyone else have some golden nuggets of wisdom for me?

Much love.

<3>

creepy porcelain doll shuffle

So, then i said to her, "Nuh huh!" To which she replied, "Yuh, huh."

Let me tell you a secret. Shh, don't tell anyone. ... Where to start, I wonder? It was around midday, no no no! The day before.

She absolutely love love loved art. And he knew that, right? Okay, so she was on her way to lunch, lurching along. Just like any other grey, brittle snowy day. -- a wispy girl. dishevelled, dark, mysterious, utterly ignored.

So, he had a plan, right. He had watched her.