Infallibility vs Iniquity

read me here

justification for petrification

cold creeps into my body. winter appraoches. every day more brittle than the prior. every day, a longer struggle to rise from bed, more clothes to get on in the morning.

the rise in petrol price has eaten a gaping hole in my pocket where my wallet used to be. it takes more and more cash munny to fill up my tank.

oil is a finite resource. what happens when it runs out? we'll all be screwed, that's what. i've heard that with the oil that is left now, it won't run out in my lifetime. but, i don't see an end to the current trend of rising prices.

i can't afford this. who can?

Sakura falling gently

There is a saying – When you love someone, let them go.

I wonder how accurate that is.

How do you … discern when it is love / selfishness / lust?

If you love someone, you let them go, and if they don’t ever come back…?

Do you then just… deal with the loss?

Because, even if it wasn’t love for the someone else, maybe it was love for you. And if you love them, let them go, and they don’t come back – is there solace to be found in the knowledge that that someone is off somewhere possibly being happy?

Possibly.

The possibilities are always infinite.

is it just me, or is it kinda bright in here?

the weather has been kinda weird lately, hot and rainy.

in today's Golden Age of Technology, is it ignorance or laziness if a document contains spelling errors?

it really isn't about getting what you want, but wanting what you've got.

i think the days are getting shorter..

my job still sucks, the people are still on my case, and i still want to get out.

the difference is, i no longer want to die. i want to do a good job, so people will get off my case, so i can get / be prepared when opportunity finds me, so i can move on to bigger and better things. i want to LIVE. to do that, i need to work myself into a position, emotionally, financially, and realistically, that would enable me to do what i want.

and in the back of my head, the ancient tune churns on mechanically: "you only have one life, may as well make the best of it."

so, is it time for adventure? time to get serious? time to wait and see? time to sit up and take notice? time to ... hallucinate, procrastinate, waste more time, wait for an external force to alter the tedious path of mere existence i find myself on? time to take action?

we all get dispatched with talents, hopes and dreams. some more so than others. but, we all do. are we meant to ignore them? deny them? live in the constant agony of not allowing oneself to utilise these talents?

Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.

I need help with this conundrum

Friends, neighbours, countrymen - lend me your minds!

I am faced with a decision, and I don't know what to do. SO, here I will list the pro's and cons of each situation and welcome comments and advice.

The situation

I have obtained 2 job offers. They are for the same amount of money. The deductions will be more or less the same. The one job is as auditor, continue what I've been doing, etc. The other is as bookkeeper in a different town, away from the parents.

So, here are the pro's and cons.

Job 1 - Audit.

Pros

I stay in my parents' house for free.

I eat for free.

Satelite tv.

My laundry is done for free.

Lots of space, a pool, people to drive me around, or take me to hospital if i can't do it myself, etc.

Disposable income is sizeable.

I can save for overseas trips.

I know the area.

Travel claims.

Internet access.

My parents will be happy.

I get a lot of study time for the Board exam, ie a month and a bit.

Cons

I f***ing hate audit and would rather slit my wrists than do it for one more day.

I'd be driving to see my bf at least twice a month. It's a 9 hour trip, there and back.

Job 2 - Bookkeeper

Pros

I'd be in the same town as my boyfriend.

My social life will pick up

I'd have my own place.

Cons

I'd have virtually no disposable income.

I'm technically over-qualified for the job, it would be a step down and limit my career options.

I'd have my own place.

I don't know the place or the people, it may be worse than here.

I don't know how hectic the work there will be, how much study leave I'll get, or if the required overtime will bug me.

My parents will be pissed, coz apparently I can't take care of myself, will get pregnant within the first week and make one after the other bad decision.

Conclusion

So, those are my options. What do YOU think would be the best move?

MArrY me, Bury mE

Of the Human Condition

Let’s say that the walls are all closing in on me. Let’s say that all this anguish is self-imposed. Let’s say that there is nothing after this to justify the pain and suffering. What then?

What about the meaning of life? And in which narrow-minded group does that place you? Or I? Or, anyone for that matter, coz that’s just how we roll?

And what of the creation of unwanted additions to life? The turmoil of secret joy and fear and regret and. The Universal Financial Question: How the hell am I gonna pay for this?

**continuously for the next couple years, obviously. did you think this was gonna be a just another fun ride? no responsibilities, no regrets?**

But, I digress.

Should I smile in the face of murder, play again another day. But, thanks for the quarter, kid. No worries.

**this isn’t gonna work, you know. you can’t do it by yourself, and you know that. do you really need me to tell you this?**

Just another day in suburbia, just another life or death decision.

I can’t find the door, help me, the walls are closer now than they were a moment ago.

Or, is it just me?

**maybe it’s just you after all..**

If this is the end, should I be happy or should I be sad? Relieved or worried?

But, I’m still trying to escape the absolute loneliness. Have I mentioned that I don’t wanna do this alone? Did I?

**we leave this … plane of existence same way we entered it – alone.**