cul-de-sac

this is the end.

it's been interesting.

*bow out*

i'm done.

i have nothing left to say. nothing left to do. nothing left to offer.

*if you ever did in the first place*

shut up.

assume the position.

snuff the candle of the worthless.

*light a candle for the sinners, set the world on fire*,
as mr manson said. back before he hit his mid-life crisis, or whatever the f*** compelled him to leave Dita for a toddler.

i don't want to be around anymore.

as radiohead said, "i'm a creep. i'm a weirdo. what the hell am i doing here? i don't belong here."

i don't belong here.

looking down from above

I have nothing to offer.

I am doomed to a life of solitude.

I am doomed.

I am cursed.

I am alone.

Always alone.

On another note, I made an international telephone call and it actually worked! Cost an arm and a leg, and he couldn't hear me. but, worth it anyway.

there is never someone to talk to, when one is most lonely, and most in need.

as koRn once said:

"sometimes i cannot take this place,
sometimes it's my life i can't face"

"something takes a part of me;
you and i were meant to be;
a cheap f*** for me to lay;
something takes a part of me."

or, something more or less to that effect.

nothing to offer.

there is no script.

there is no life.

there is no energy, no conscience.

no cognisance.

lack of everything. lack of nothing. lacking.

never enough

is it just me, or is it kinda bright in here?

the weather has been kinda weird lately, hot and rainy.

in today's Golden Age of Technology, is it ignorance or laziness if a document contains spelling errors?

it really isn't about getting what you want, but wanting what you've got.

i think the days are getting shorter..

my job still sucks, the people are still on my case, and i still want to get out.

the difference is, i no longer want to die. i want to do a good job, so people will get off my case, so i can get / be prepared when opportunity finds me, so i can move on to bigger and better things. i want to LIVE. to do that, i need to work myself into a position, emotionally, financially, and realistically, that would enable me to do what i want.

and in the back of my head, the ancient tune churns on mechanically: "you only have one life, may as well make the best of it."

so, is it time for adventure? time to get serious? time to wait and see? time to sit up and take notice? time to ... hallucinate, procrastinate, waste more time, wait for an external force to alter the tedious path of mere existence i find myself on? time to take action?

we all get dispatched with talents, hopes and dreams. some more so than others. but, we all do. are we meant to ignore them? deny them? live in the constant agony of not allowing oneself to utilise these talents?

Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.

Prunella made me do it

8 random things about me in haiku form.

Here goes,

I am a sad lonely girl,
Noir thoughts of misery
darken the long hours.

I really like blue.
I do not like girly things.
I’d rather murder.

My toes are pretty.
Sometimes I paint them goth black.
I’m not a goth tho.

My parents hate me.
I’m a huge disappointment.
It was not my fault.

My attitude stinks.
Life is about perception.
I’m a hypocrite.

I bitch all the time.
I’m annoying to myself.
I bully myself.

I’ve gained 7 pounds.
But I think I look alright.
I’m not bothered tho.

I think of sui-
cide all the time, I should be
dead, but I’m not yet.

I need help with this conundrum

Friends, neighbours, countrymen - lend me your minds!

I am faced with a decision, and I don't know what to do. SO, here I will list the pro's and cons of each situation and welcome comments and advice.

The situation

I have obtained 2 job offers. They are for the same amount of money. The deductions will be more or less the same. The one job is as auditor, continue what I've been doing, etc. The other is as bookkeeper in a different town, away from the parents.

So, here are the pro's and cons.

Job 1 - Audit.

Pros

I stay in my parents' house for free.

I eat for free.

Satelite tv.

My laundry is done for free.

Lots of space, a pool, people to drive me around, or take me to hospital if i can't do it myself, etc.

Disposable income is sizeable.

I can save for overseas trips.

I know the area.

Travel claims.

Internet access.

My parents will be happy.

I get a lot of study time for the Board exam, ie a month and a bit.

Cons

I f***ing hate audit and would rather slit my wrists than do it for one more day.

I'd be driving to see my bf at least twice a month. It's a 9 hour trip, there and back.

Job 2 - Bookkeeper

Pros

I'd be in the same town as my boyfriend.

My social life will pick up

I'd have my own place.

Cons

I'd have virtually no disposable income.

I'm technically over-qualified for the job, it would be a step down and limit my career options.

I'd have my own place.

I don't know the place or the people, it may be worse than here.

I don't know how hectic the work there will be, how much study leave I'll get, or if the required overtime will bug me.

My parents will be pissed, coz apparently I can't take care of myself, will get pregnant within the first week and make one after the other bad decision.

Conclusion

So, those are my options. What do YOU think would be the best move?