Sakura falling gently

There is a saying – When you love someone, let them go.

I wonder how accurate that is.

How do you … discern when it is love / selfishness / lust?

If you love someone, you let them go, and if they don’t ever come back…?

Do you then just… deal with the loss?

Because, even if it wasn’t love for the someone else, maybe it was love for you. And if you love them, let them go, and they don’t come back – is there solace to be found in the knowledge that that someone is off somewhere possibly being happy?

Possibly.

The possibilities are always infinite.

Roll for initiative

I stand at the edge of an icy chasm. Darkness and fog surround me. It is a cold, barren wasteland – stretching into an eternity of uncertainty.

I stand alone.

The chasm is my life.

The plunging depths echo of the choices ahead. I don’t feel sane or rational.

So, here are my choices as I see them:

- Stay where I am – expire in a downward spiral of mediocrity and tedium, ad infinitum.
- Stay in my chosen career – but, do Graphic Design, and now – a new entry – a Freelance Journalism course. [Combined cost – 10 grand]
- Study only towards my chosen career. [Cost if pass – 7 grand, a life of work-study-sleep, rinse and repeat for 2 more years. Same job.]
- Move to the city, abandon CA, do IT.
- Quit everything. Become a hobo. Mooch off others. Lose insanity gradually. Inevitable death.


I’ve sent in a request for information on Graphic Design and Freelance Journo-ism to a distance learning institution. My books for my next Accounting Exam lay open on my desk at home. I’m scheduled on a new audit client.

Who said I couldn’t do or have it all?

In an instant

Tis a foggy foggy mind that sometimes leads my tired body.

Like today.

Impending agony numbs me. I am depressed and deflated long before the source of torment presents itself. This alone is enough to make my mood plunge even further into the depths of wailing torture.

I’m screaming. Silently. On the inside.

These zombie eyes that almost meet yours are cast down in fatigue. Emotional hurt usurps energy from the soul as efficiently as the sun takes water from the earth. It’s a universal happenstance – and there’s nothing one can do to stop it.

Two days from now, I will be alone again.

Alone, to study. To diet. To work. To be protected and held captive in my self-constructed shell, away from the world. To be by myself, again.

Alone, I suffer.

Silently, I cry.

maxim of the times

friends and neighbours!

i find it difficult to write/type up anything decent when im happy. but, to those of you interested, today, i am happy. and, indeed, for the rest of the week and the 2 that follow, i will be happy. in this daze of blissful euphoria, i will remain.

happiness may very well be transient and come from within, but, ... i dunno. sometimes it can be caused by an external source, as in my case.

there is something to be said for human touch. hugging often. feeling loved.

there is something to be said for sharing thoughts and being held.

happiness is a drug. and i am addicted.

ps -- if anyone knows how a "feed" works, i wish to learn about/use it in my daily blogging. its supposed to be an alerting sort of thing --> lets you know when certain web pages are updated. please help me... im... fragile.