Whore-licks and the Cathartic Process

Elusive like serotonin.

On this quest for ultimate happiness, I encounter many obstacles.

How is it that one can be walking on clouds one moment, and contemplating the ratio of pen dullness to skin strength, if the pen were to slip and you are suddenly stabbing yourself in the throat?

There is no substitute for human touch.

What is it about that most sensory organ – the skin – that makes your brain short circuit in the most delicious way, causing worries to diminish and total warmth and internal glowing to ensue?

When you cant touch the one you love, find a suitable substitute.

In the end, there is nothing more satisfying, more healing, than a steaming cuppa hot choc.

gory allegory

all i need for me to be happy, is 30 grand, right now.

that is all i need.

with 30 grand, i can do everything i want to. and, happiness will ensue.

the problem is, where on earth will i find this instant 30 grand? methinks, i should apply for a game show or something.

with this moola, i would pay off my credit card, an eternal bane on my tedious existence. then, i would buy myself a (music) keyboard (who can afford a piano these days?) -- i've always wanted to learn how to play. then, i would pay for a course in Graphic Design. And, with the other half of the money, i would go to europe and tour for 2 weeks - the museums, the countryside, everything!

why is money so important anyway?

why wasn't i a trust fund baby??

**sigh**

[30 grand south african rand equals about 4 grand american dollars]

Kung Fu Hustle

Happy Monday, folks!

Towards the end of last week, I bought an eyetoy for my ps2. With this eyetoy I am able to learn Kung Fu. So far, I have been in horrible pain for 3 days. The stances are killing my legs. It happens.

This decision was brought on by merging 2 of my new year’s resolutions/ dreams for myself; 1) Getting fitter and 2) learning a martial art. So far, my virtual personal trainer has been very supportive. And I’m enjoying the program. It is too early in the game to make any definite judgements about this way of getting fit, but time will tell.

Criticism:
The first problem I have with this program, is that I don’t think I’m getting enough cardio exercise. I don’t feel tired much when I do it. But, I did set it on Easy to start with. So, I suppose it will get more challenging in time.

The other rather huge problem I have, is that it is incredibly difficult to centre the eyetoy on me. The result being – I get horrific ratings for the routines I do, despite copying my virtual instructor perfectly. Maybe my room is too small. Or the light isn’t bright enough. Who knows? But, it is getting on my nerves.

On the plus side, the exercises are really targeting my problem areas. So, I should be a hottie again in no time flat. Additionally, the Yoga stances and Massage instruction modules are pretty kewl too. I’ve learned more than I bargained for.

Will I still be sticking to the program 2 weeks from now? Who knows? I have a competitive soul and usually prefer humans around me to compete with. So, all alone in my room, there is no telling how long I will remain motivated.

Yesterday, I kicked a dragon’s ass. How brilliant is that?

When in doubt

So, I received my final marks for the Qualifying Exam 1 last night.

We all know that I didn’t make it.

You cannot imagine my heartbreaking disappointment, when I opened the letter and saw that my average [you need a 50% average for the 2 consecutive 5 hour papers written in March], was in fact a D.

A D, ladies and gents, meaning, I got around 40-49%.


***

Allow that to sink in.

***

This is a test that costs R2,500 to write. It is a prerequisite for the second Qualifying Exam, which is written in November. An exam I will not be able to write this year.

This is a test that one needs to travel to go write. And pay for over-night lodgings.

This is a test, that takes away all of your nights, spent pouring over books and doing questions. One question taking anything from 1 to 5 hours to complete.

That 2-9% has taken away another year of my life. And a large chunk of my going-overseas cash money.

***

Tell me something beautiful.

Roll for initiative

I stand at the edge of an icy chasm. Darkness and fog surround me. It is a cold, barren wasteland – stretching into an eternity of uncertainty.

I stand alone.

The chasm is my life.

The plunging depths echo of the choices ahead. I don’t feel sane or rational.

So, here are my choices as I see them:

- Stay where I am – expire in a downward spiral of mediocrity and tedium, ad infinitum.
- Stay in my chosen career – but, do Graphic Design, and now – a new entry – a Freelance Journalism course. [Combined cost – 10 grand]
- Study only towards my chosen career. [Cost if pass – 7 grand, a life of work-study-sleep, rinse and repeat for 2 more years. Same job.]
- Move to the city, abandon CA, do IT.
- Quit everything. Become a hobo. Mooch off others. Lose insanity gradually. Inevitable death.


I’ve sent in a request for information on Graphic Design and Freelance Journo-ism to a distance learning institution. My books for my next Accounting Exam lay open on my desk at home. I’m scheduled on a new audit client.

Who said I couldn’t do or have it all?

In an instant

Tis a foggy foggy mind that sometimes leads my tired body.

Like today.

Impending agony numbs me. I am depressed and deflated long before the source of torment presents itself. This alone is enough to make my mood plunge even further into the depths of wailing torture.

I’m screaming. Silently. On the inside.

These zombie eyes that almost meet yours are cast down in fatigue. Emotional hurt usurps energy from the soul as efficiently as the sun takes water from the earth. It’s a universal happenstance – and there’s nothing one can do to stop it.

Two days from now, I will be alone again.

Alone, to study. To diet. To work. To be protected and held captive in my self-constructed shell, away from the world. To be by myself, again.

Alone, I suffer.

Silently, I cry.

what dnd character am i?

True Neutral Elf Bard

Alignment:
True Neutral characters are very rare. They believe that balance is the most important thing, and will not side with any other force. They will do whatever is necessary to preserve that balance, even if it means switching allegiances suddenly.

Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.