137th and Final Post on this Discontent

From the Phantom:

I gave you my music,
Made your song take flight
And now, how you’ve repaid me,
Denied me and betrayed me.

There is only so much pain one individual can take.

The padded cage has been locked, and the key destroyed.

To all the whispering voices that visited and brought my cage to life, I thank you with all my heart.

Ladies and gentlemen, It has been a pleasure, and an honour.

This is the end.

at the end of my rope, dangles

Volumous dark storm clouds obscure view and engulf the sky. Torrents of icy water plummet towards the earth. The world is wet and miserable. People and animals alike scurry from the incessant pelting, hiding.

The weather reflects my outlook, my emotion, the downpour of sorrow in my heart.

I was happy once, briefly.

My life, in 2 words, is both simple, yet complicated. I suppose it depends on my perception, like so many things in life.

It is simple, because there is a set path I must follow. Every tedious day ebbs and flows into the next. Nothing changes. Mind-numbing boredom repeats itself day in and out.

It is complicated, because I have inner turmoil, emotional instability and deeply rooted loneliness. Someone, find me a cure for the unhappiness through which I am suffering!

I conjure in my mind possible escape routes, plans, ideas, schemes. But, the more I scramble and the harder I run, the more I stay in the same place, digging deeper into this hole. This is frustration at it’s best.

On an even more personal note, I am still crying myself to sleep every night. I am weak. I am alone. Feelings of longing for what was and what could have been blur my reality. Where, in the past, I could tell myself everything will be alright, because at least SOMEONE loves me, that is no longer the case.

It may not be correct to validate one’s entire existence and all positive traits based on one person’s changing opinion. But, I did. And, I was betrayed. And, now I suffer for it.

No one loves me. No one thinks I’m cute anymore. No one thinks I’m pretty or silly, or … anything, anymore. I will stay where I am forever, doomed to fade and disappear into nothingness, untouched, obscure and ignored.

The sky is miserable with tears. So am I.

Last one

Artist: My Chemical Romance
Title: I Don't Love You


Well, when you go
Don't ever think i'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way

And after all this time that you still owe
You're still the good-for-nothing i dont know
So take your gloves off and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like i did
Yesterday"

Sometimes i cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you outta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up

Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whoa

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like it did
Yesterday"

Well come on, come on

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
"I don't love
Like i love you
Yesterday"

I don't love you
Like i loved you
Yesterday

I don't love you
Like i loved you
Yesterday

Song 2. No, not the Blurry one

Arrtist: Evanescence
Album: The Open Door
Title: Snow white queen

Stoplight, lock the door.
Don´t look back.
Undress in the dark,
And hide from you,
All of you.

You´ll never know the way your words have haunted me.
I can´t believe you´d ask these things of me.
You don´t know me.

You belong to me,
My snow white queen.
There´s nowhere to run, so let´s just get it over.
Soon I know you´ll see,
You´re just like me.
Don´t scream anymore my love, ´cause all I want is you.

Wake up in a dream.
Frozen fear.
All your hands on me.
I can´t scream

I can´t escape the twisted way you think of me.
I feel you in my dreams and I don´t sleep.

You belong to me,
My snow white queen.
There´s nowhere to run, so let´s just get it over.
Soon I know you´ll see,
You´re just like me.
Don´t scream anymore my love, ´cause all I want is you

I can´t save your life,
Though nothing I bleed for is more tormenting.
I´m losing my mind and you just stand there and stare as my world divides.

You belong to me,
My snow white queen.
There´s nowhere to run, so let´s just get it over.
Soon I know you´ll see,
You´re just like me.
Don´t scream anymore my love, ´cause all I want is you.

A song

Title: You Don't Love Me Anymore
Artist: Weird Al Yankovic


We've been together for so very long
But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong?
Seems you don't want me around
The passion is gone and the flames died down

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
You used to think I was nice
Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist

Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes on my car?
That kind of thing is hard to ignore
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You're still the light of my life
Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?

You know I, even think it's kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down the elevator shaft

Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes I get to thinking you don't love me anymore

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will
You set my house on fire
You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers

Oh, you think I'm ugly and you say I'm cheap
You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep
You drilled a hole in my head
Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all
You never acted this way before
Honey, something tells me you don't love me anymore, oh no no
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

The meaning of Torment and Agony

Is it better to have loved and lost?

MArrY me, Bury mE

Of the Human Condition

Let’s say that the walls are all closing in on me. Let’s say that all this anguish is self-imposed. Let’s say that there is nothing after this to justify the pain and suffering. What then?

What about the meaning of life? And in which narrow-minded group does that place you? Or I? Or, anyone for that matter, coz that’s just how we roll?

And what of the creation of unwanted additions to life? The turmoil of secret joy and fear and regret and. The Universal Financial Question: How the hell am I gonna pay for this?

**continuously for the next couple years, obviously. did you think this was gonna be a just another fun ride? no responsibilities, no regrets?**

But, I digress.

Should I smile in the face of murder, play again another day. But, thanks for the quarter, kid. No worries.

**this isn’t gonna work, you know. you can’t do it by yourself, and you know that. do you really need me to tell you this?**

Just another day in suburbia, just another life or death decision.

I can’t find the door, help me, the walls are closer now than they were a moment ago.

Or, is it just me?

**maybe it’s just you after all..**

If this is the end, should I be happy or should I be sad? Relieved or worried?

But, I’m still trying to escape the absolute loneliness. Have I mentioned that I don’t wanna do this alone? Did I?

**we leave this … plane of existence same way we entered it – alone.**

Random Tagg

Arc tagged me.

Here are 8 random facts about me. I'm not following the rules, coz im not tagging anyone else.

mwoahahahah.

so sue me.

8 facts you really didn't need to know about Neeks:

• I have a profile on Facebook. I no longer want one, coz the craze has gotten ridiculous, with fictional characters talking to other fictional characters there, but i can't bring myself to delete it.
• Neko means Cat. I'm a cat person. I love cats and would love to have a kitty familiar again. I can't due to the nature of my job, I'm always on the road. I've had 2 kitties in my life, Garfield and Chloe.
• I finally bought Singstar for Playstation 2 2 weeks ago. I have dominated since i started playing, about 3 months ago. No one I know has beat me yet. Even though I love it, I have never done and probably will never do any Kareoke.
• I have a really weird accent. This is due to moving all over SA, and even visiting in other countries. I pick up accents relatively quickly. I still roll some of my R's because of the time my family when to Disneyland (Orlando, Florida) more than 10 years ago.
• I'm pretty sure my second language (English), is MUCH better than my home language (Afrikaans). I've always found English easier and more interesting than afr. All the movies and more enjoyable books to me, have always been in English. In fact, I hava a pile of English books at home, in my bookcase that I've bought, but not gotten around to reading yet.
• In my personal opinion, I don't think I'm really good at anything. Hear me out. I mean, I've always been an achiever, but, never as brainy as the top of the brainiest. I'm a B student. I will always be a B student. And I'll always have to work for that B. I mean, I'm usually better at doing things than most people, but, not as good as the best. Where does that leave me? Who knows.
• I try to be positive as much as I can. But, I'm very unhappy about my life. The only source of pain and anger, is my job, which I wouldnt mind so much, if ... I don't know. If some of the people were nicer, and deadlines didn't exist. I might as well go live in Dreamland. The only joy in my life, is the boyfriend I have. But, the visits are few and far between, coz he is on the other side of the country. What's a girl to do?
• I have really great nails. I probably get them from my mom. They look great without a huge amount of work. They are of good strength and good shape. I've never been in a physical girl fight, but if I were, my opponent would probably leave the fight sans eyes, and with a couple clumps of her hair gone AWOL.

Thanks for the tag, Arc! Maybe one day I'll learn to be interesting and not put everyone to sleep with my repetitve b*tching. ^_^