babble babble b*tch b*tch

the pro in this con

the upside to this questionably gainful employment, is the benefits. they are few and far between, but at least there are a few.

study leave. beautiful thing. i will get to stay home for a month and still get paid, while i study for and write my exams. i thought after varsity, the studying is over. HA. little did i know the qualifications and other crap keeps going on long into the working thing.

*excuse the digression*

another kewl benefit: overtime leave. i will take another month off because of the overtime i managed to collect since the beginning of the year. it is not worth the effort to take the munny instead of the off days. so, i have just under 2 months off for study leave. my exams start on the 11th of october. ends on the 23rd.

in this “profession” the munny is okay. so, im gonna take 1 week of my overtime leave and im gonna spend it with the love of my life. in the beautiful cape. its a 2 hour flight. and a 3,5 hour drive to the airport. funny that.

4 more slapies...

v 3.1

it occurred to me today that there is not one single thing i like about my job. not one thing. not one aspect. there is no joy or satisfaction for me in what i do. having to go to work fills me with the utmost dread. daily. i lead a life of listlessness.

i realized that, at my job, 80% of the time, we, the worker ants, are belittled. our self esteem is wiped out and we are made to feel like the dumbest creatures on earth.

“how do they do this?”, you ask. simple. they set unrealistic budgets [ie, time you have per project] and freak out on you when you do not meet these deadlines. this is supposed to be a “training” contract. by proxy, everything i do, i do for the first time. therefore, i dont know what im doing half the time. then i get yelled at for not being done in time. there is zero support, coz everybody’s too busy with their own unrealistic deadlines. vicious cycle.

so, result? we are expected to complete the work in our own time, at no remuneration. ie, free overtime. coz, free overtime equals a happy big boss. they are the ones sharing in the profit and that have the stock options after all. less staff and more work, equals more distributable income for the big boys. and that, ladies and gents, is the bottom line.

it boggles my mind to think how little self worth i have. i did a couple IQ tests. average: 133. i was #1 academic in primary school. #1 in the SCHOOL. smartest kid. i was top 5% in high school. i went to 6 different schools in the 12 years i went to school. [we moved a lot] i got 2 degrees, first time round. no flunkings. BCom in chartered accountancy. Hons in Financial accounting. we started out in my first year, 1500 students. by 3rd year, we were 180. in my honours year, we were 85. not easy feats.

and yet, i spend most of my time feeling worthless.

stupid.

sadly, to my dismay, i have realised a couple other things too. tho, my grasp of languages is pretty good, better than most, really. i will never be a writer or have a future in journo-ism. im okay, but im not GREAT. i could never write like arc or ej or niel or any of the other journos. il never be a great photographer, my pics always come out skew. and altho i love nothing better in this world than to draw and paint, im not great at it. il never be able to do anything like debaser’s. so, altho i hate my current job. i have no idea what else i could possibly support myself on. life is expensive, kiddies. its a capitalist corporate jungle out there.

i have a year and a half left in this place. and, it looks like im gonna spend the last half of it, as i have the first, as a number. so, just call me 831. or 3.1 for short.

after all, its the number they branded me with, when i first walked in the door.

Flying Spaghetti Monsterism

I agree with this .

its sad, coz its true

I Am An Auditor (Standard Template)

this isnt funny, because it is true
To Whom it may concern:

* I am an auditor (but I'm not bitter).
* I don't carry a calculator at all times, but I can use it without looking at the numbers.
* I get psyched for business casual.
* I carry a laptop, not because I think it's cool, but because I have to.
It's certainly not cool when you have to carry it across town in the middle of the summer...along with two other bags and a box of workpapers.
* I have lots of paper cuts...not from regular paper, but ones that hurt from pockets and folders.
* I have a desk, and I have a phone, but Im never at either of them.
* I work with people everyday, but everyone thinks I have no social skills. They fail to realize that after talking to incompetent people throughout the day, the last thing I want to do is talk to anyone!
* I dream about financial statement presentation and proper timing of accruals.
* I spend significant amounts of time waiting for others to do their job; and when they're done, it's still not right, even though they've been doing it for 10 years.
* I know GAAP is crap...but it's the best thing we've got.
* By God, if you ask me one more question about how to do your taxes, I might just rip your head off!!!!
* I work overtime six months out of the year, and then get told to watch how much time I spend on my work. Then, I try not to spend too much time on my work, only to get told my bonus is based on overtime. Oh wait, we don't get bonuses!
* I have an apartment, but it's really just a place to store my clothes and old workpapers that the garbage men won't even take.
* I can cook, but I can't remember the last time I came home and wanted to.
* I'm just a person who went to school for way too long, who is overworked, and underpaid, who gets no respect for my work, and has finally realized that my entire career is based on providing information no one understands, to people who couldn't care less.
* I've been promoted six times in the last two years, not because I'm competent but because all the competent people had the smarts to leave.

TOP 5 READS

TOP 5 authors i could read all day

1) Mr. Stephen King
2) Mr. Terry Pratchett
3) Ms. Anne Rice
4) Mr. Neil Gaiman
5) Ms. Jane Austen

I love tales of the wyrd and uncanny. Ive read most of Stephen King's books. I also own quite a lot of them.

Terry pratchett is brilliant. I wish i were living in Discworld. DEATH is, of course, my fave character. He's so sweet and kewl. It would be nigh impossible to pick a favourite book out of the discworld bunch... :D

Anne Rice. Her tales of vampyres and witches are truly enthralling. Le Stat is a favourite. Also Rowen, of the Mayfair witches. It's gothic romance and adventure one can get lost in.

Mr. Gaiman. His stories, fiction tho they may be, seem more real and raw than anything ive ever read. i enjoy the insane circumstances his characters find themselves in. Once again, gothie girl, Death, is my fave character he's created.

Im a new-comer to the Jane Austen-ism going around in the blogmune. *^_^* But, i could curl up with her books all week, especially with the frigid weather thats been going around. nothing like a good book and a hot cuppa to while away the evenings.

i agree with arcadia on this one. we all read more than most. but, i wouldnt say thats a bad thing.

movie mania

arcadia made me do it!

top 5 movies i can quote entirely (from beginning to end)

[yes, i am a sad individual]

[based on frequency watched, i suppose]

1) Robin Hood – Men in Tights [brought to us by Mr. Mel Brooks]



[il put the pic in when blogger feels like cooperating again!]

“These aren’t MY bubbles! They’re from the pipes!”

2) William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet [the one with Leo + Claire Danes in it]

“Do you bite your thumb at us, Sir?”

3) The Craft [Robin Tunney, Fairuza Balk, Neve Campbell, Rachel True, Skeet Ulrich]

“Hail to the guardians of the watchtower of the North...”

4) Demon Knight [Billy Zane, Bill Sadler, Jada Pinkett Smith, Brenda Bakke, CCH Pounder]

“If it makes ya feel good, do it!”

5) From Dusk till Dawn

[Director: Robert Rodriguez
Main Cast: George Clooney, Harvey Keitel, Quentin Tarantino, Juliette Lewis, Cheech Marin]

“I didnt say do what I do, I said do what I say.”

lyrics and melodies

here is another TOP 5 post,

once again, inspired by arcadia

in no particular order -- here are the songs i love the best - *ever*

-- they have stayed with me the longest --

-- i love them for different reasons --

-- they represent different stages in my life --

*) Don't speak -- by No doubt

*) Nancy Boy -- by Placebo

*) Tourniquette -- by Marilyn Manson

*) Blind -- by KoRn

*) Uninvited -- by Alanis

-- i have tons more favourites --

-- but there can be only one TOP 5 list --

drenched in dreamland's psychosis

dream job?

i think i dont mind working for a boss. some people have a problem with this. i dont, really. i dont think i want the responsibility that goes with being in control.

i dont wanna get up every morning and dread the coming day. i dont wanna not wanna go to bed coz, id have to get up in the morning and go to work. i wanna wanna go to work. get some sort of enjoyment out of it.

i wanna get paid well enough so i dont have to be an insomniac about my debt. i wanna do what i wanna do when i wanna do it. i wanna be comfortable.

WANT – WANT – WANT

where do i apply for trust fund babyship?

it’s too late, innit?

likeness of a hated person [effigy n.]

trickle intrepid traitorous trinity trilogy transitory titillation

insidiously savoury salivating ... for an unknown future... towards an unknown goal.

*makes me feel like im a whore -- of "corporate" denomination*

like helpless kittens to the slaughter.

TOP 5 TEARS

inspired by arcadia

MY TOP 5 TEAR STAINED PILLOW MOMENTS:

1. at the end of std. 5, my 1st ever boyfriend moved away. i cried for 2 weeks. i was at disneyland. and i was crying... it was horrible. we had to break up. we had been together for 6 months. it had been great. got my 1st kiss from him. to this day, i never saw him again. he called for a while after moving. but, that dissipated. and stopped eventually.

2. me and p@ . indiscretions. mistakes. and stupidity. then bitter regret.

3. hmm... every time p@ broke up with me... its the distance. good grief. i cried till i thought my head would explode with agony, till my eyes were dried out.. till i couldnt see or think or do anything.


*i think 3 is enough*

ive cried from loneliness. depression. and feeling inferior.

not very interesting, i know. but, it happens.

i don't cry much. but, when i do, it's soul-wrenching, heart-breaking, mind-shattering agony.

in can descent rage

pet peeves

[ed’s note: i always considered myself incredibly easy-going. till i got the idea in my head to make a list of things that make my blood boil with anger. so, here they are, compiled neatly, for your viewing pleasure. so, if the police ask what happened: this may be as good a place to start looking for clues as any.]

pet peeve #1:
people who are inconsiderate.

this includes drivers, or other road users. family. friends. people at restaurants. people using facilities. office parties where you have to queue for food. pity him/her who has to be at the end of the queue!

pet peeve #2:
other people’s undisciplined children.

allow me to relate a snippet of a past experience (this was about 3 or 4 years ago): people from my mom’s work bring their brat kids with them for dinner at our house. brat kids run and scream up and down the house. brat kids jump on my and other beds in house, not even having the courtesy to take off their shoes. brat kids smack older people of all ages because they dont get their way. brat kids bang on my computer coz they cant wait their turn. i dont like my face or personal property being assaulted. i smack one brat kid on ass. [in retrospect, maybe i shouldve just left the room.] brat kid runs to his mommy and daddy, yelling that i smacked him. says he wasnt doing anything, he just wanted to play with his friend [other brat kid from my extended family]. so, essentially, i assaulted him without provocation. and HIS PARENTS BELIEVED HIM OVER ME and they left. good riddance. good f***ing riddance. im one of those slow to anger, but explosive when angry, individuals. i was a quiet well-behaved kid. my parents needed only LOOK at me for the fear of all hades to enter me and make me behave myself. in my LIFE, i had never experienced such ill-behaved children! omg. hanging on door handles, banging on doors, spilling juice, omfg. never again. if ever i am faced with a similar situation, il just get into my little car and drive away.

i blame the parents entirely.

pet peeve #3:

i have to situate myself right next to lexi and j on their BAD SERVICE band wagon. it is as lexi said, there is just no excuse for it. specially since the customer is paying for the service. i understand having a shitty job, and all that, but how hard could it be to smile every so often? and do the job you were trained to do? maybe the people at my job are just over-active when it comes to this sort of thing. performance appraisals – harsh demon-spawned devices of terrific torture.

pet peeve #4:

injustice makes me angry. here’s an example: in my family, both me mum and dad’s sides, they have this... shall we call it tradition? the basic premise is this: women must serve men. men bring in the bacon. what does this mean for a girl like myself? washing dishes, laying tables, cleaning house, etc etc. this is what my holidays visiting extended family is like. [which is interesting, coz at home, i dont do any of these things.] what does this ideology mean for my [spoiled rotten] brother? he gets to sit on his ass and do nothing. hang out. watch tv. go driving with the uncles.. etc etc.

makes my blood boil.

[there’s a lot more to this, i just dont have the energy for it.]

[[something slightly unrelated: when i went to visit my boyfriend at his family’s house for the first time ever, he asked me if there was anything i didnt eat. to which i replied that im very easy-going. it was only upon getting there, for my 2 week visit, that we soon came to the conclusion that everything they made, was pretty much stuff i dont eat. only then did i realise, im actually quite picky... the reason i hadnt picked up on this before, is coz my family pretty much all eat the same kinda thing. but, when i got exposed to completely new cuisine... yeah. the rest is history. i still dont think im a picky eater. but, i realise im not as easy going as i thought i was.]]

the whispering

it is an indicator of insanity. yet, it is what keeps me sane. there is peace and acceptance in knowing that one is not alone in the wide world.

seems strange to realise that multitudes of humans expire annually from loneliness and/or neglect. wasteful.

*but, humanity is a virus upon the earth – slaughter them all*

the voices give opinions, advice, encouragement, knowledge is shared...

This isnt me, im not mechanical

mr manson once said that ...

the necronicon - and other misled intricacies

see me twinkle.. *twinkle*

as much as i will it, i doubt il ever be “pretty”... never in the conventional sense. on the other hand... i celebrate my uniquity... i dont look like anyone... no one ive seen.. i must be nobody.

so, when the evil spirit in the exorcist speaks, he was talking about me: i am no one.

*smirk*

isnt there some sort of copyright infringement i can claim, so i can put a dent in my credit card debt?

read my mind.

go ahead. i know you think you can. joke’s on you, my friend. im a fraud. a fake. i will fade away eventually. into the sunset eternal. watch me rant! see me lose it. this is MY downward spiral..

another kicker - - - ive always had these thoughts. ive always felt this way. slowly i unravel, and you get closer and closer yet to the insanity. raw and bloody at the core. putridly pungent...

what does depression smell like?

*ripe maggot-filled cadaver, with a side of post mortis excretions and a dash of ZEST- - yum*

dipping into the reality of eternity

more about me

i dont usually blog about my individual days. They are all the same. incredibly tedious. instead, i blog to keep what little sanity i like to believe i have. i blog about feelings and ideas. concepts.

perhaps one day, when i start living with passion and my days no longer all look alike, i will have more interesting things to say. to tell about.

but, until then... this will have to suffice. it must. because for me, there is nothing else.

trample not my halo

as generally accepted SA practice dictates – when family comes over for ‘n kuier [visit], then it is customary to braai [barbeque].

so, i have written it, cast it in stone and proclaimed the prophecy --> and it has come to pass.

upon the arrival of the guests [read: relatives], compulsory hugs and kisses were distributed. flesh was seared. skin, flayed. everything was consumed. nothing left to chance.

do, not be fooled by my serene countenance. i believe myself to be an easy-going, pleasant-natured individual. usually. mayhaps seeing family brings out the worst in my inner demons.

a pet peeve of mine: since time inconceivable, when my old people cast their gaze upon me, they would hand out tasks, like insulin at a diabetes festival. as if to say:” oh, good! you’re here. now do this, go get this and don’t forget to clean that...” there is no end. it is endless. it continues for all eternity. i am certain, 23 years ago, my parents looked at each other and said: “hmmm... it kinda sucks doing things for ourselves. perhaps we should make a spawnling who we will train to do whatever we say.” *mwohahahahaha*

and so it came to be.

[[do not misunderstand me. i do not mind the menial tasks delegated to me by my elders. in fact, it is quite a pleasure to serve them at times. i agree with my mom when she says there will come a day when i may not have parents and would wish i could do just one more thing for them, gofer just one more task. the frustration rears its hideous head when every second of my day is spent doing this and that... being ignored when i ask them to clarify... no thank yous... no praise... no nothing. just constant nagging. the worst is when im asked to do something i already did. *sigh* my boyfriend can attest to this. it gets pretty bad sometimes.]]

[[[quick illustration: my boyfriend used to live only an hour away from me, back in the green days of our relationship. on two occasions it happened that he drove down to see me for the day, but then didnt get to see me. why do you ask? well, simply becoz my parents were sending me around so much. i dont know whether it is intentional, or just coz they are used to it... i really dont know. but, that didnt make me any less pissed. seeing my boyfriend is something i look forward to... its something that makes me unable to eat or sleep the couple of days before it happens. so, for him to be here and for me to barely see him... “livid” does not even begin to describe my disposition at those times... but, i digress]]]

the cause of this post [coz, we are working with cause and effect here, ladies and gentlemen. do try to keep up!], is the fact that, when family come to visit, they have this nasty habit of taking up bathroom time. i am, essentially, Q-ing for the shower right this second. which is interesting. there are 7 toilets, 3 baths and 5 showers on this property. you’d think some people would use just the designated toilet areas for... oh, nevermind.

patience is a virtue, after all.

its is good to see the extended family. every so often. im sure there are many positives to it... it may be because it is late, but right now, i cant think of any.

ah – godliness beckons... for to be clean, is (to be) divine...

destructive reconstruction

the prophecies lied. thats my opinion, anyway. i wonder if anyone else agrees...